Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Confessions of a Perfectionist

I’m guilty.  So guilty as a matter of fact that I spend a sleepless night or two before I finally bring myself to do.  I think that I should just leave well enough alone.

But I can’t.  The memories are driving me to senselessness.  Those memories leave me no choice.
My fingers shake.  I sit at my computer and find the file.  I look at the object of my despair.
The book.  Guilt resurfaces.  I couldn’t do this if I was a traditionally published writer.  I wrestle with my conscience.  The nasty little word resurfaces in my mind. 

Wlong. You can’t let that go.  The word is along and the mistake is giving me hives.
You’ve reread the book after mistakes were mentioned.  Why?  Why do such a thing?  I know I won’t be able to let that go.  I give in and make that correction and several others I’ve found.  Then, I log into Create Space, and upload a new file.

It still doesn’t look right. I don’t submit the file immediately.  Instead, I surf through the pages again, stare at the cover.  I promise myself I’m not going to do this again. Finally, I’m satisfied and upload the file and send it in for approval.  Afterwards, I go to my Kindle account and do the same thing.
I receive the new copy with the new cover—and I make the mistake of reading it again.
I nearly keel over when I read the sentence that, in paraphrase, states that Madigan pulled his length into his month. 

OMG.  This is never ending.  That pulse-pounding roaring in my head starts again and the knowledge that I won’t rest until that, too, is changed. 

I promise myself this is the absolute last time that I will read Wicked Allure, so this will be the absolute last time I make changes.

Then, I remember, we’re writing sequels.  When I start typing my part, I’ll have to reread Wicked Allure to get back into the characters.

Does anyone hear me groaning?

Note to reader: This was originally posted on Books-N-Kisses Blog,, during a stop on my BTS Virtual Tour. To answer the question. YES! I groaned. And YES I also did it again with the ebook to get it properly formatted for it to be on the iBookstore. I haven't reread 

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